[After I wrote this I realized that I have a few other things to say about the past year, but they don’t really fit with this. So look for another post later today or tomorrow.]

“It’s going to take a couple of months before my doctors will be willing to tell me that my body is close to something considered normal and it will be months, if not years, before I really understand what that means.”

I was reading through old posts and I ran into this sentence.  It still seems to be so true.  My doctors are mostly willing to say that I survived surgery very well, all of my tests seem to indicate that my body is existing in that range considered normal.  The  biggest steps of recovery are behind me.  If you were to meet me in person, you would be shocked to learn that I had brain surgery a year ago.  I look normal and healthy.

What I know is that my body still has fewer amounts of reserve energy than I did a little over a year ago.  If I have a long day or a hard day, I feel it sooner and more intensely than I once did.   I think some of this is a loss of reserve energy because of how much surgery and recovery take.  I think some of this is that even though I can live a “normal” life, that still takes a little bit more than it used to.  This will pass.  Slowly.  As I am careful and listen, my body will rebuild some endurance and relearn how to conduct life with less effort. 

The headaches will pass too.  Although The Headache finally ended (after eleven long weeks), I still get rather frequent headaches.  These headaches don’t last for weeks on end and many of them respond well to over-the-counter medications.  (Excedrin Migraine and I have a solid relationship.)  At least my hope is that the headaches will pass.  They did after surgery #2.  It is possible that I will always be more prone to headaches now than I was before several surgical teams poked around the insides of my head and other doctors shot radiation beams through my skull.  But they should become less.

My leg (which I’ve mentioned before) is doing well.  Occasionally, usually when the weather’s changing a lot, it gets sore and stiff for a couple of days.  I will feel it if I ask it to do too much, but ‘too much’ is no longer walking to the kitchen or down the block.  ‘Too much’ is more like a two mile uphill climb.  This will get better.  And eventually the soreness and stiffness will turn into my own personal barometer–minor itchy-like aching when the weather changes. 

 It has been 12 months, 1 year, and I still miss knowing what things would lead to pain, what I could do, what I shouldn’t do.  I would be okay without the seemingly random days when I am slow or tired or sick or in pain.  I still don’t understand what having surgery a year ago means for me.  I didn’t think I would by today though.  This recovery business is longer and harder and slower than people tell you to expect.  And this is the third time I’ve asked these parts of my body to heal.