This is what I fear I’m becoming.  My headache presents with fun double vision, especially around detail focusing tasks like reading.  So, suddenly, for the first time since I learned to read in Kindergarten, I can’t just sit down and read.  Not without wieghing the cost of pain versus what I’m going to get out of the book.  Not without stopping to pretend that letting my eyes rest will make it all more bearable.  Not without mourning the hours I used to be able to spend curled up with a book, completely absorbed, unaware of things like location, time, or food. (Honestly, I lose what little time sense I have in the midst of a good book. I can read for hours and be completely shocked by the passage of that much time. Despite the book I finished.)

I would love to be able to say, and believe, that this makes the time I do spend reading more valuable.  But I’m not there.  I want to be able to read.  I need to be able to read.  I’m a visual person here.  I need to see the words to really think about them.

In the meantime, I’m listening to podcasts (EscapePod and Speaking of Faith are probably at the top of my listening list). My rector has kindly lent me some lectures on tape so I’m learning about Early Christianity and Science and Religion. It’s not a perfect solution. On bad days, the pain is pretty all encompassing. But it’s something. It’s keeping me sane(r).

Well, that and the pain medications.