My doctor’s have settled on a favored theory about this headache.  Radiation treatment has, most likely, had the other effect of inflaming my third cranial nerve.  Treatment is fairly easy, another couple of pills each day, and will take affect soon, I hope.  This means that I also get to visit Nuerosurgeon #4 again this coming week.  Assuming they are right, and all I can say about that is this seems to make sense based on what I’ve learned about the third cranial nerve and that these doctors know a lot more about this stuff, this is good news.  I still have questions.  But mostly right now I feel a little lonely.  

I was in a new place one year for the anniversary of what was then my latest surgery and I didn’t know many people yet.  While talking about this with someone else, I was asked if that was an isolating factor.  My honest reply was that surgery itself was what was isolating.  

That’s how this feels too.  This is one more thing I’ll be able to talk about, explain, and become comfortable with.  But this is also one more thing that most people do not have the perspective to understand how it affects my life.  It is hard, nearly impossible, to explain what it is to live with things like a long medical history, regular MRI’s, and chronic health conditions.  This thrid cranial nerve problem is one more thing that will, in small, subtle, and real ways, isolate me.  

But at least my head should stop hurting.  Because that was painful and a little isolating too.

long after the last
“how are you”
the pain still lingers
long after the last
get well card
becomes clutter to be cleared
or the brightening flowers wither
I still move more slowly
or pause to consider
how much energy
this will take
For this road lasts
long after
I want it to

written 6-18-08

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