and    

Everyday.

It’s the everyday part of all of this that gets me.  Everyday I take the blue pill and the red pill–two different medications for two different conditions (thyroid replacement and an antidepressant).  Everyday.

I’m not alone in this.  I know that.  But every morning, I’m the one who has to remember to take the pills.    Every few weeks or months, depending on the prescription, I’m the one who has to has to order the refills.  I am alone in my actions, but my actions are common to a large group of people.

In The Matrix, Morpheus says to Neo, “You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.”  The choice is between the reality ‘everybody’ knows and a reality which has far more layers.  The choice is between the world we have figured out and the world we struggle to reconcile with what we want.

Every morning I take two pills, one red and one blue.  I take both pills.  And none of this was ever a choice.  I didn’t get to pick simple or complicated.  I didn’t get to decide which world I wanted to live in. 

Every night there is a machine to help me sleep.  Every morning I take the blue pill and the red pill.  Every year there are appointments and tests.  Most people who meet me would never know unless I told them.  These are ways in which I know the many complicated layers of my world.  

I didn’t pick this world. 

I get to decide how to live in this world.

Everyday.

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